Bling 9: August Status Report


TO:        J.B. CALHOUN

FR:        P. BLING

CC:        TERRY C., PAT L.


Item 1:     Missing Report
It has come to my attention that my inaugural Status Report, from November of last year, was waylaid and never reached your desktop. My primary concern, of course, is that none of the sensitive information therein fell into the wrong hands during the intervening months. Along with the memo, I have attached below the e-mail chain that brought the report back to me. This should assure us both that it never left the safe confines of the Gargantico e-mail system. What’s more, it stands as testimony to the esteem our team has earned among our peers in other departments.

Since the information is every bit as relevant today as it was nine months ago, this will serve as my August report.

Item 2: Reprimand
To anticipate your next question, I do think we should suspend all further disciplinary action against your admin for her failure in stocking my office with the appropriate supplies. Clearly, she never received the directive (although we should temper any apology with the knowledge that she should still have anticipated my needs).

—–Original Message—–
From: Duluth, Mindy
Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 01:47 PM
To: ‘Phineas Bling’ [GargantiCo]
Subject: FW: Is this you?

Mr. Bling –

Near as I can figure, the memo below is a memo I believe you intended for J.B. Calhoun of our sales division but was ultimately directed to J.D. Calloway in ops. You should know that since you sent this from an anonymous address, and are somehow absent from our corporate directory, I was only able to track you down by chance (found your card in a buffet-style eating establishment).

Otherwise, I would have forwarded this to you right away instead of 9 months later. Fortunately, I held onto it for…entertainment purposes.


—–Original Message—–
From: Prajnafurttii, Ramadamla
Sent: Friday, November, 30 2001 05:02 PM
To: ‘Mindy Duluth’ [GargantiCo]
Subject: Is this you?

Min –

Is this you? It’s got you written all over it. This is great!

Come clean, girl. I know this is you with a sly commentary on our sales team…

– Ram

—–Original Message—–
From: Calloway, J.D.
Sent: Thursday, November, 29, 2001 08:22 AM
To: ‘RP’ [GargantiCo]
Subject: FW: November Status

Ram –

Get a load of this. This is great – somebody in sales sent his update to me by accident. I can’t even find this guy Bling in our directory. But it just shows you how great this company is. Our team’s burning the candle at both ends trying to deliver. Meanwhile, we’ve got sales guys getting paid the big bucks to try and drum up business working out of laundromats.

I love this company!


—–Original Message—–
From: Cyber Cafe
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 20021 12:01 PM
To: ‘Calloway, J.D.’ [GargantiCo]
Subject: November Status

I am pleased to submit this, the first of many stellar Status Reports I intend to volley your way on a monthly basis hereafter.

What was it that Churchill once said (or was it Neil Armstrong or The Buddha?) “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step”. Well, it is my great hope that this small step will lead us both to the pinnacle of the business world. I’m not certain exactly how far that is from here (i.e., it may be more or less than a thousand miles), but I think you know my meaning.


[Memo Attached]

~ by joshuakelly on August 31, 2007.

%d bloggers like this: