Bling 8: July Status Report


TO:        J.B. CALHOUN

FR:        P. BLING



Item 1:     GlobaCorp Confirms Re-Affirmed Confirmation.
As we suspected, while GlobaCorp has not yet executed the agreement directly related to our February proposal, they have again illustrated their commitment to Gargantico. You should by now be in receipt of their official paperwork – no less an executive than Jesus Kalliente himself called to notify me and arrange for what he termed a “kickoff meeting”. Hopefully, this will silence any lingering doubts among internal staff hesitant to move forward on our Gargantico initiatives without such trivial documentation as a “purchase order”, “contract”, or “even an informal written or verbal nod” in place. Confidence is truly high! The Numbers? Yes!

Item 2: New Sound
“Bigger. Smarter. Faster. Better.” You’ll remember that’s the corporate tagline I’ve slotted into the schedule for July. I’ve also taken the liberty of slight alterations to our corporate color palette, fonts, and the signature sound meant to accompany our logo when it’s displayed in electronic media (best to just tear pages 42 – 49 out of your corporate style guide for now). The old sound, a tinny and raspy “whisssshhh” no doubt created by a large/overpaid corporate branding firm, simply did not capture the essence of this month’s slogan. Instead, each time the Gargantico logo appears this month, a far more grandiose symphonic crescendo followed by a succession of timpani drumbeats with a faint angelic chorus in the background, will be triggered. I left my best interpretation on Manny’s voice mail last night, and I anxiously await his final okay.

Item 3: Columbus Orders
You are correct – an abacus is a manual computing tool consisting of a frame holding parallel rods strung with movable counters (usually beads). Think of it as an ancient Chinese calculator. However, not just any abacus will do for purposes of decoding Columbus. Hope that helps. Frankly, I’m surprised a man of your accomplishments is not familiar with these handy devices.

Item 4: The 27th Role

Appreciate your feedback on the list of roles and responsibilities I submitted last month. Based on your worthy commentary, I would like to expand the list (as is my ongoing duty under #25 of the aforementioned list) to include an additional responsibility. If this one doesn’t climb to the top of a tall tree and scream “MANAGEMENT POTENTIAL”, I don’t know what will:

27.    The education of executives, including counsel, clarification, guidance, tutelage, steering, advice, especially as all of the above relate to vocabulary building.

Until next time, count on trusty Jen to reach me via cell phone (Note: ignore any incoherence she may exhibit due to her current pain killer dosages). Also, be advised that my Blackberry’s in the shop for an upgrade.

Voice Mail To Maanoay “Manny” Paoupaso (linked from above text)

[Manny = J.B.’s Boss. GargantiCo COO Maaunoay Paoupaso]

Voice Mail Voice:    Friday, July 7, Nine Twenty Nine P.M., ONE new messages

[beep beep beep]

Manny’s Voice:    J.B. – forwarding this message from your man Bling. Not sure what to make of it. Sounds like it might have been cut off or something. Want you to know, though, I am completely 100% behind you guys on the front lines. Just tell me what you need to get the job done

Voice Mail Voice:     Attached message.

Bling’s Voice:    Your man Bling here.  A quick approval on the following would be most appreciated: vrooooommmmm! Bong bong bong bong bong ahhhhhhh!.

I await your most worthy assessment.

E-Mail (linked from above)

—–Original Message—–
From: Kalliente, Jesus
Sent: Wednesday, July 8, 2002 02:50 PM
To: ‘JB Calhoun’ [GargantiCo]
Subject: The Bling Project

Mr. Calhoun –

Attached please find our purchase order #2850009874 in requisition of Phineas Bling’s services and commitment to the GlobaCorp account.

To be clear, we can still only guess what sort of products or services your company supplies. We only know that by providing this P.O., we are assured of continued, regular interaction with Bling. To that end, we are committing $5,000 a month to pay for his time, materials, and expenses. Please do not bill us anything more or less as we expect no particular deliverables from this relationship. We will simply need him to meet with as many folks as possible within our company, and provide various proposals or other written correspondence at his discretion – our intention is that he will serve a vital corporate morale function of some sort.

If, for any reason, Bling’s employment at Gargantico should end, this PO will be terminated, effective immediately.

Thanks again for bringing us Bling. We can’t wait to see what’s next.

Jesus Kalliente
Senior Vice President, GlobaCorp

Attached Purchase Order

~ by joshuakelly on July 30, 2007.

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