Bling 2: January Status Report

M E M O R A N D U M

TO:        J.B. CALHOUN
VP, PRODUCTS & SERVICES, GARGANTICO

FR:        P. BLING
STRATEGIC ACCOUNTS, WEST

CC:        TERRY C., PAT L.

RE:        JANUARY STATUS REPORT
____________________________________________________________________________

Item 1: GlobaCorp Referral. J.B., I know you manage a large organization, and it’s hard to keep all your reports “top of mind” for “next steps”. Which just increases my gratitude for forwarding the inquiry you received from GlobaCorp on Christmas Eve. Be assured, Phineas Bling will not let you down. Though not explicitly stated, I’m assuming that if I close this business, you’ll see to it that I secure that Regional Manager position. Let’s discuss.

Item 2: GlobaCorp Progress. Despite his initial urgency, their Biz Dev chief (Jesus Kalliente) seems quite busy/distracted, so there were a few bumps in the early discussions, just in terms of his accurately transcribing my e-mail address. Add to that the technology “snafu” whereby my cell phone provider inexplicable re-routed incoming calls to the pager of a woman named Jen in Delaware (further investigation pending to determine whether this was an intentional re-route courtesy of our friends at PanOmni). So we certainly experienced our share of false starts – I think you referenced an e-mail you received where Kalliente confirms my account.

But we’re back on track. I’m working with our Products group, our Services group, as well as with Ops and Marketing, to finalize a cross-functional proposal (which is pending). We’re focusing on the value add, and looking for efficiencies. As I write, their head of biz dev is checking availabilities for a conference call to review the program in the next couple months (more of a formality than anything). Confidence is high – we’ll easily make The Numbers.

As always, you can reach me on my mobile, or via e-mail to my Blackberry. As mentioned above, my number is unreliable (from a technology perspective), but Jen knows where to reach me. Also, there may be down time on the e-mail as I convert my naming conventions over to the acronym system I am implementing (more next month).

See you next week in Des Moines?

__________________________
e-mail (linked from above reference)

—–Original Message—–
From: Kalliente, Jesus [GlobaCorp]
Sent: Wednesday, January 16, 2002 11:58 AM
To: ‘JB Calhoun’ [GargantiCo]
Subject: Bling You’re “A” Game?

I contacted you with some urgency last month. Each day since, I have thanked my lucky stars that holiday schedules clearly intervened and caused you to assign my inquiry to your Mr. Phineas Bling. Thank you.

Highlights of my dealings with Bling, now a legend here at GlobaCorp:

1.    received late night message; Bling’s voice barely audible over the sound of what must have been either a battery of espresso machines, or an army of gargling midgets.
2.    left me cell phone number which connected me with a random, though delightful, woman named “Jen” in Delaware
3.    provided me e-mail address (“phineas_fennymore.bling all one word, 0 caps, 1 underline, a period, all the N’s you’d expect”). I get through after 6 attempted spellings.
4.    decoded e-mail address – he explained that a heretofore unheard of technology snafu – perhaps even a corporate conspiracy – resulted in both Jen’s phone piracy and the e-mail confusion
5.    finally secured a meeting time to review your capabilities. At the appointed hour, frantic call revealed that Bling reported to an office 50 miles away that we have not occupied in 6 months.
6.    Bling next expressed regret for his “incontinence”. I believe the word he meant was incompetence. If he does experience involuntary excretion, he needn’t apologize to me.

In daily updates, Bling details the progress of a brewing proposal involving multiple GargantiCo departments. I’m unclear on the nature of this document – we have not yet met to share our objectives or your capabilities. But we very eagerly await his findings.

Again, I thank you for the opportunity to work with Bling. Though there is certainly no chance of our entrusting paid business to him, I want you to know that he is our beacon of light in an otherwise drab existence.

Thank you.

Jesus Kalliente
Senior VicePresident, GlobaCorp

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~ by joshuakelly on January 9, 2007.

 
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