Bling 1: December Status Report

M E M O R A N D U M

TO: J.B. CALHOUN
VP, PRODUCTS & SERVICES, GARGANTICO

FR: P. BLING
STRATEGIC ACCOUNTS, WEST

CC:
TERRY C., PAT L.

RE: DECEMBER STATUS REPORT
________________________________________________________________________

Item 1: Suggested Policy Change. A seldom-referenced statute in our Policy Manual [Chapter 3 “Exhibiting at Trade Events”, Section 5, Rule 7] requires GargantiCo personnel to “not lose The Orders” resulting from tradeshows. I feel strongly this is an especially important rule. The cost of exhibiting is not justified if all record of resulting revenue is somehow misplaced. In an effort to be more pro-active (and, frankly, to show management potential) I intend to bring more attention to this rule. Next week, I will submit a formal request to HR to petition Management to have this rule both bolded and italicized in the next edition.

Item 2: Recap of Columbus Expo (in Columbus). Terry C. and I entertained key decision makers and took large orders, which are pending and en route. Very positive – we’ll easily make The Numbers. I should explain those calls [link to voice mail transcript below] from the HofBrau Brewery that my rather frantic Admin forwarded to you. No way she could have known those were not THE Orders that they found wedged beneath the bar in Terry’s briefcase. Instead, they were bogus orders meant to be found by staffers at PanOmni. As you no doubt guessed, we often leave doctored and misleading versions of The Orders (and even our FY02 Marketing Plan) in taxicabs, bars, and bathroom stalls hoping that they’ll be found by our largest competitors and serve as misinformation in their strategic plans. Terry and I always memorize The Orders anyway, and could easily reproduce names, addresses, shipping details, and quantities for hundreds of orders, even if some act of God caused us to misplace the actual papers someday (which will never happen since Terry’s new briefcase came with handcuffs).

Item 3: All-Staff. Understand our paths may cross in Des Moines at next month’s All-Staff. Look forward to finally meeting you in person. Probably makes most sense for me to wait and hand The Orders from Q1 through Q4 over to you at that time. Would also like to discuss the Regional Manager position, perhaps over cocktails. Hope my monthly updates, and the kind of policy and strategic intelligence initiative shown above, have convinced you I’m management material, though I’ve only been on staff a few months.

As always, you can reach me on my mobile, or via e-mail to my Blackberry. Except all next week when I will likely be out of range.
___________________
Voice Mail To JB Calhoun (transcript referenced above)

Voice Mail Voice: Friday, December 7, Eight Fifty TWO A.M., ONE new messages

[beep beep beep]

Woman’s Voice: J.B.. it’s Molly Tuttle, Phineas Bling’s Personal Administrative Facilitator? I hate to bother you with this…I can’t find Mr. Bling…attached is a message from someone named Big… sounds like, well, you take a listen. But it sounds like he found a bunch of show orders…I’m….not sure what to do…

[click]

Yeah, this is Big Tone, Hofbrau Brewery Columbus. We got us a fat briefcase full of business up in here. It’s a card with Bling on it, so I’m calling you because that’s how we do it. Man, I don’t know if all these papers with all the shipments on ‘em are worth anything, but if you want this phat case back, y’all need to hit me back soon. Peace.

Advertisements

~ by joshuakelly on December 31, 2006.

 
%d bloggers like this: