Introducing: The Phineas Philes

Bling Photo

M E M O R A N D U M

TO: THE WORLD

FR: THE BLING CONSORTIUM

RE: PHINEAS WHO?
________________________________________________________________________

Item 1: Site Feedback. Response to our new site: universally positive. One lingering question: who (or what) is “Phineas Bling?”

Item 2: The Easy Answer. Bling is a regional sales manager whose primary contact with the corporate “mothership” is via monthly status memos. Each month FINE receives Bling “intelligence” items from our corporate operatives. After carefully laundering names (all resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental), we post them for your review.

Item 3: Bigger Question…“Why?” Bling is an anthropology study. Close examination of his writings leads to insights into cultures and processes encountered throughout the corporate world. In fact, you will note that Bling’s processes are also his primary results. Meanwhile, his boundless optimism in the face of adversity, refusal to adhere to job descriptions, and studied adoption of buzzwords will endear him to all who find the time to study his habits in detail.

Item 4: Recent Bling Reviews.

“Hearkens back to Peter Sellers’ masterful role of the bumbling
but over-confident Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther series.”
B. Jee, Marinda Associates

“Brings to mind Peter Seller’s acclaimed portrayal of the simple-minded
yet effective Chauncey Gardener in ‘Being There’”
Darlene Kelly, AstroCenter.com

 

“If they ever make a Phineas movie…well, it’s just
too bad Peter Sellers isn’t around anymore”
Phineas Bling, GargantiCo

“Suppose the guy who does Dilbert talked way, way too much
(instead of drawing all those little cartoon-y pictures). Well, this is how it would look”
Anonymous e-mail

 

“Blingliness Is Next To Godliness”
Jesus Kalliente, GlobaCorp

“I’m sorry, I just don’t get it.”
Steve Fine, FINE Design Group

 

“Is this for real? Because I think I know who this is. Does he work for… oh, Dear God, they’re coming for me at last…arrrgghhh!”
Anonymous e-mail

“I SOOO started writing this years before The Office was even a glimmer in the eyes of the British creators from whom the American version was totally ripped off. I have proof.”
Anonymous e-mail

 

Item 5: Current Cast.

Major Players
Phineas Bling: Strategic Accounts Coordinator (Western Region), GargantiCo
J.B. Calhoun: Phineas’ Boss. VP, Products & Services, GargantiCo
GargantiCo: Phineas Bling’s Company
GlobaCorp: GargantiCo’s Biggest (potential) Customer
Jesus Kalliente: SVP/Bus Dev, GlobaCorp (GargantiCo’s Biggest Potential Customer)

Other Roles
PanOmni: GargantiCo’s Biggest Competitor and Nemesis
Dimwittius Worldwide: GlobaCorp Competitor
RBOKS Inc.: GlobaCorp Competitor
Molly Tuttle: Phineas Bling’s Personal Administrative Facilitator, GargantiCo
Terry C.: Colleague of Bling’s
Pat L.: Colleague of Bling’s
Maaunoay (“Manny”) Paoupaso: JB’s Boss. GargantiCo COO
Dr. Schell Green: GargantiCo Founder

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~ by joshuakelly on October 1, 2006.

 
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