Fruitcake Speaks Out
Things The Candied “Fruit” In Fruitcake Would Say If It Could Talk. And don’t be so sure it can’t…
- There’s actually only ever been one fruitcake in the world
- I took a wrong turn at a pie
- You should see what they do to cranberries
- I see dead fruit
- What exactly AM I?
- Why do people treat candied fruits like hot potatoes?
- Flavor is overrated
- The idea of fresh fruit grosses me out
- Sure wish I was rum soaked right now
- I Am a Weapon of Mass Disgustion
- We’re like the SPAM of desserts
- Send me to someone you love like a distant cousin
- I am separated 6 degrees from Kevin Bacon
- I aspire to edibility
- Tough crowd
- Drink enough eggnog and I’ll taste fine
- Calling this a cake is like calling a brick a…cake
- I was born a sweet plum. Or was it a lugnut?
- Hey, you could have uglier doorstops.
- Wait, you’re not actually thinking of EATING this, are you?
- You’re probably not THAT hungry.
- I am truly the gift that keeps on giving.
- Mmmmmmystery food!
- If you had any kind of courage, you’d make fun of pumpkin pie.
- Fruitcake: neither fruit nor cake. Please explain.
- I wasn’t so much baked as just sort of left to solidify.
- Oh sure, pick on the fruitcake. REAL brave.
- This holiday season, give the gift that says “ha! gotcha!”
- No real fruit was harmed in the making of this cake.
- I’m too old for this
- Who you callin’ fruitcake?
- knock knock
- Friends, Countrymen, Candied Fruit.
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